I Keep Throwing Up Before Work and I'm Mad About It
I got a new job last month. It's been a slow time training me, and my first time doing it by myself was supposed to be last Wednesday. But, much to my embarrassment, I threw up in my car as I was driving to work that morning. I was one turn away from getting to work. Cleaning it up was not fun, but my boss was very understanding. He told me to take the day off and not to worry about it too much. I assumed that I had eaten something that wasn't good, or maybe that it was an effect of a medication I'm taking.
Tuesday this week I had another shift, where I actually did the job myself for the first time. I did a good job, and it wasn't nearly as stressful as I had thought it would be. I had a therapist appointment where I brought it up, and she suggested it might be a symptom of anxiety, but I went to bed feeling good about it, in fact.
Then Wednesday rolls around and I notice I don't feel good getting ready for work. It was difficult to eat and my coffee felt wrong on my stomach. I spent the whole drive feeling queasy, and finally pulled into a closed bank parking lot to vomit once again. I called my work and was again told to go home.
My overwhelming feeling about this is anger. I'm mad at myself. I thought I had gotten over the anxiety on Tuesday when I did the job successfully. I'm embarrassed that this happened two weeks in a row. I'm scared of it happening again next week. I'm considering asking my psychiatrist for some kind of medication that might help me, if this is anxiety.
I don't really know what to do about this. It doesn't happen when I don't have work (although since the second time my appetite has been very difficult). I think next time I work I'm just going to skip breakfast and see if that helps at all. After all, if there's nothing in my stomach, there's nothing to throw up.
If anybody has any ideas for what I should do, let me know! You can find me on Bluesky and on Mastodon.