Possible Manic Episode?
I have bipolar disorder. It's not been a fun time, but I'm on medication that mostly works really well. It's kept me from having manic episodes, which are periods of high energy and often psychosis symptoms like hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia. It's less good at keeping me from having depressive episodes, periods of low energy and symptoms like lack of motivation and intrusive thoughts of self-hatred. But I'm more practiced at dealing with those, having experienced them for a lot longer than the manic episodes. I also go to therapy every other week. I feel like I'm doing the Correct Things to manage this condition.
Today I had a scare. I experienced a rush of panicked energy, like I feel when I'm in a fight with someone, but without anything setting it off. My chest felt strange for a little while, like my heart wanted to get out of it. I became anxious and paranoid - is this the start of a manic episode? My first in over a year? Even now I feel restless. I feel a desire to act, to do something physical, to move. This tracks for how the beginning of a manic episode can look for me, and I'm worried.
I don't have any kind of plan for this. I'm used to not having to deal with manic episodes, because of my medication. The best plan I can think of is if this does pan out to be a manic episode, to try to take off work until it passes if I can. It's not a good time for me to be around others, or try to do detailed work quickly, as I have to do at my job. I tend to get carried away on waves of fancy, I get irritable much more easily, and I sometimes hallucinate which can be dangerous for driving to and from work. Aside from that, I think my best move is to do what I've done the times I've dropped acid on my own: keep myself distracted, keep music on, keep doing things. Allowing myself to be bored during a manic episode will only encourage the worst symptoms, the negative self-talk, the irritation. I have to let myself keep moving and give myself things to try and focus on.
I could be wrong, of course. I hope I am. I'd much rather deal with just a strange spurt of nervous energy, or an anxiety attack (which usually lasts far shorter of a time than a manic episode would). Whatever it is, I know I'll be fine eventually - I'm always fine eventually - but I'm not looking forward to having to deal with it.